I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
