it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Randomize
