saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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