i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
