Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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