I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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