I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize