just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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