I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize