plz talk dirty to me
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize