I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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