I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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