I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
