my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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