No stitches, just platelets and will power
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
