im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
