you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
