Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
