Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Only a mothe r could love this liver
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
