Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
