i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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