Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
