Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
