Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I think people are normalizing furries
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
