Its about making memories worth repressing
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
