I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize