That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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