does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
That's when you crack a 10am beer
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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