WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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