alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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