giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
