his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize