I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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