You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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