that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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