she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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