It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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