This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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