dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
