Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
