I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I feel great
I just peed on a car
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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