it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize