it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
