Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
i believe in u and ur pee
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
