How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
me + whiskey = a bad person
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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