bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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