Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
