Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
