Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
