She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
