We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
