I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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