She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I need a burrito and a hug.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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