Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
