"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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