when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
