Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
