dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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