i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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