if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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