Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
40s are totally the cure
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
