I'm eating all of the evidence.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
