my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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