She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
