I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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