Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
