Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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