I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Randomize