You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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