Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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