...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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