i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
