I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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