i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
