I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
