why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
