How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
