got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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