If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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