Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
