you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
