he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
