I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
