lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize