My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
