He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
