My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
