No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
