There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
