dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
