I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
