You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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