I got chris browned last night
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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