My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We are two peas in an std pod
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
