Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
