Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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