I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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