I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
