i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
