I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
