me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
