u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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