I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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