my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
