I can feel you judging me through the phone.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
