What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
