"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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