dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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