I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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